IT’S BEEN 15 DAYS WITHOUT A SINGLE POST from me. Can you guess why?

• I was walking the strip in Vegas
• I was swimming in the ocean California
• I was busy riding rides at Universal Studios
• I was at my parents house on Thanksgiving enjoying the family company
• I am lazy.

Actually, all of the above are true. I went on vacation and took a blogging hiatus, but I didn’t tell a single soul. Because if I told somebody, then I was really taking a break and then I’d really feel guilty.

It’s an Aubrey thing, guilt.

I’m working on it.

I’ll be posting about my amazing vacation and various other things shortly, but in the mean time, I’ve been noticing a lot of conversations come across differently than they should. Miscommunication errors, if you will, and they are absolutely hilarious. One such example happened last Friday night when Kevin took me on a date to Temple Square. It was the first night they turned on the Christmas lights and the grounds were flooded with people. We made our way slowly around the Temple and noticed a single, solitary building to the north that hadn’t been lit up. It was odd really, to be standing surrounded by thousands of stranded lights on every tree and have a dark building right smack in the middle. He took a photo and texted it to his sister to see if she could tell us what the building was. We kept walking and ran into a Missionary that informed us the building was the changing and entry room for the attendees when they arrive.

“Have you been through the Temple?” he kindly inquired. I love Missionaries, they are always so friendly.

“Nope,” was our simple reply.

“Oh. Ya’ll married?” bless him, he was a conversationalist.

Another double “nope”.

“Well, do you want to be?” the old man chuckled. I blushed and pushed my hands deeper into the pockets of Kevin’s borrowed jacket, biting my lip to allow him to answer. Yes. . .let him answer, this’ll be interesting.

“. . .Possibly?” Was his reply. He gave me a questioning look and I just smiled.

I can live with possibly.

We talked with the Missionary for a few more minutes (and accidentally insulted his love of the Utes team . . .oops) and began trying to work our way through the crowd back to his car. I’d completely forgotten that he’d texted his sister until his phone started buzzing.

Where are you? Lindsay asked.

At the Salt Lake City Temple, he replied.

Why are you there? We began to realize that texting her saying that we were at the SLC Temple could have been misleading. It’s a popular engagement spot after all, what else would anyone think?

Before he could even respond Lindsay calls and asks, “Did you go to Jared?!”. I’m standing on the other side of Kevin, the side his phone isn’t on and I’m laughing because he repeats what she says.

“Jared? Who — oh! Jared, no no no, we didn’t go to Jared.” By this point I’m dying of laughter and can’t stay out of their conversation.

“Tell her we went to Shane Co.!” I rattled off between my laughing fits.

“We went to Shopko, got her something nice!”

Shopko.

Shopko.

Let me spell that out for you. S-H-O-P-K-O. I literally would have been rolling around on the ground if not for the fear of being stompled by the crowd.

“Yea because Shopko is cheaper than Wal-Mart!” I was done, that was the last I heard of their conversation before I died of laughter.

*If you are wondering what the crap the title of this blog post is, go here. It is Latin for “it does not follow”. Meaning that while we occasionally visit the Temple, we are not engaged…yet.*

THE LOOK ON GRAMS’ FACE WHEN I WALKED IN was hilarious all on its own. Her hand, which was in the process of putting an ice cube to her mouth, hung forgotten and her mouth gaped as she stared at my jeans. Being born in 1929 and growing up through the tail-end of the depression, I’m sure she’s seen ratty jeans before, but she wasn’t quite sure why someone would wear them by choice.

“My heavens child, you need new pants! Surely you can afford some. Those things have got to go,” she admonished me before we’d even said hello.

And I’ll confess, I may have lied a little. I told a half-truth.

“They’re just comfortable Grandma, that’s why I keep them”.

These pants?

Yea. They’re brand new.

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY HAS WORDS! Therefore, it’s not technically Wordless Wednesday, but this post is going to be so photo-heavy that I’m putting it there.

Just bear with me.

And also bear with the fact that the story of this post occurred, oh, some week and a half ago. I like to post about things later, give the thoughts and ideas some time to ferment and grow.

More like, I like to blog about things later because I am lazy.

I guess we can begin this story at Tucano’s a few Fridays back. I’d been telling Kevin all week that we were doing something on Saturday for his Birthday, so no, don’t try and guess, because you can’t guess it anyway.

Just my luck, the correct guess of  “You’re taking me on a helicopter ride,”  was the first thing out of his mouth, and I was hard pressed to not say you win, let’s go home, oh and if you’re so good at guessing which degree am I going to graduate with? BECAUSE I’D REALLY LIKE TO KNOW.

But instead I sat there  – probably for a few seconds too long – and then blurted, “No keep guessing.”

Saturday morning rolls around and I take two non-drowsy Dramamine because I’m just sure that we’re going to get up in the air and I’m going to lose it. When Kevin asked why I took those,  I told him I’m allergic to driving.

Which I am.

Back on point – he drove while I gave directions. We pull up at the SLC airport and he looks at me and asks, “What on earth are we doing here?” and I’m staring at him like really? Really!? You don’t know. You guessed last night. Let’s go so I can hurry up and die.

But instead a simple, “You’ll see,” comes out of my mouth and I dive out of the car. You could say I was a mess of nerves. I wanted him to figure out what we were doing, so I could do one of the two things I’d worried about all week: freak out about how scared I was and back out, or throw up midair and die.

There was no other alternative in my mind.

We walk in and meet Brent, our pilot.

“You guys have coats?” he asked.

“Coats?”

“If you don’t, we’ll have to put the doors back on, it’s going to be 50 degrees up there in the air,” he explained. BACK UP A MINUTE BRENT. DOORS. Off the helicopter.

I want my mommy.

“So what made you guys want to do this?” Brent asked as we walked out of the hanger.

“She actually brought me for my birthday,” Kevin responded, looking at me like he still couldn’t believe what we were doing.

“Wait, she took you on a freaking helicopter ride for your birthday? Dude. She’s a keeper,” Brent said as I blushed and walked past both of them. We stepped outside and got our first view of our door-less heli.

I had Brent take a photo of us beforehand.

Just in case I didn’t make it. You know, a last photo type of thing.

I made Kevin sit up front, while I took the seat in the back.

Someone please tell me that the back seat reminds you of a lawn chair too.And the seat-belt? It was a quick release.

Kevin and Brent talked for a few minutes beforehand about what it takes to become a pilot. Halfway through their conversation, I  assaulted Brent with some questions of my own.

“Is it common to get motion sick?”

“What’re the odds of getting puking?”

“Does it make you dizzy?”

“About how many people have you had throw up?”

Finally he cut me off, “why, are you getting ready to?” I honestly didn’t have a good answer. I wasn’t trying to want to puke, I was just trying to be realistic. I just wanted to know if I’d need a brown paper bag or if I can just puke out the door on all the cars below  is all, and the fact that it took Brent three times to start the engine definitely wasn’t helping.

Nor were signs like this:

or this one.

But this?

This helped immensely.

Kevin looked back and smiled at me and that’s all it took – I wasn’t scared anymore.

Something about that boy just makes me fearless.

He makes me feel like I can fly.

And not two minutes later the engine was on, the blades were spinning and all the sudden there goes the ground, falling away from me.

Grid patterns are so fascinating from this angle.

And so is the back of his head, since I seem to have took exactly 2,157 photos of it.

Don’t ask. Infatuation makes you do some odd things.

Also don’t ask me to name any of these buildings, as I’m directionally retarded.

I want to find this courtyard and live in it. Look at all the green in the middle of all these buildings!

Kevin got to fly the helicopter for a minute.

Oh that’s just my foot, hanging out of a helicopter 500 feet above buildings. No big deal.

You really want a sense of vertigo? Brent tipped the heli sideways multiple times.

I don’t know what this castle building is, but I love it.

I do know one building, the Mormon Salt Lake City Temple.

And although I’ve seen it plenty of times, I’ve never seen the roof! If you look real close you’ll notice two happy couples who just got married, each on opposite ends of the Temple.

The building in the back is another one I know, it’s the state capitol.

On the return ride, Brent preformed what he called a “rollercoaster” effect and dived straight up and back down again.

Then he showed off his sweet skills with a 360° turnabout upon landing. He was an amazing pilot and so much fun to be around.

They took one last photo of us after we landed, and they were even nice enough to borrow us their coats on the ride so we didn’t freeze. I had so much fun.

AND I DIDN’T EVEN PUKE.

Kevin, thank you for going and I hope you had a great Birthday. You make me fearless.

**UPDATE: My spreadsheet is found, I now have food  and life is good again**

IT’S MONDAY, AND I’M ALREADY HUNGRY. Is it not enough that it’s Monday? I mean, that’s a huge thing all in itself. Matter of fact, that works as answer to anything:

Aubrey what’s wrong?

It’s Monday.

How’s that spreadsheet coming (oh yea, the one that’s still LOST?!)

It’s Monday.

How’s your Grandma?

It’s Monday.

What’re you thinking?

It’s Monday.

Except this time, It’s Monday and I’m Hungry. I’m hungry and I’m on a quest – for Funions. Kevin and I were driving around the other day and for some insane reason I felt the need to blurt out of nowhere, “Whenever I find Funions, I feel like I’ve won something massive.” I clenched my fists together for added emphasis.

“. . .O. . .kay?” He asked, looking at me out the corner of his eye.

“Well, you just can’t find those anywhere, it’s like a prize. A prize of yummy goodness.”

“Eww.  Funions are sooo gross!” He proclaimed.

“WHAT?! You don’t like Funions?! You don’t like Funions.” I huffed. “You mean to tell me we’re similar in every other way but you can’t stand Funions? Well, then guess what? I hate the vinegar in Salt and Vinegar chips.” Oh yes, I went there. I hated on his favorite chips.

“Well then, I hate the onions in Funions.”

We both bust up laughing and that was the end of that discussion – he won. We agreed to disagree (and what a great first disagreement that was), and get our favorite type of chips anyway – except Chevron was lame and didn’t have either.

However, he made it up to me later when he found my stash of Easy Cheese and Wheat Thins. “Oh my goodness I love these! You’re probably mad that I found them.” Mad, no. Surprised that you like them? Yes.

I got thinking of how much my father hates Easy Cheese. He calls it “Fish Cheese” because he claims it’s so similar to the cheese bait he used while fishing as a kid. He won’t even come close to a can of Easy Cheese if you paid him.  Thinking of that got me thinking of butter. Both are so similar with how they can be processed and sold in so many different forms.

And now butter’s got me thinking about toast, and pancakes, and all the other stuff I’d like to make in the morning when I get up.

But wait.

It’s Monday.

Raincheck to Tuesday? Why yes please.

IT STARTED WITH A MISSING SPREADSHEET. A solitary missing Excel file that had me pulling my hair and pouting. The screen of my Dell was very unsympathetic as it glared back at me, and I began wishing with everything I had for that document.

I began wishing, but I didn’t stop there. I wished for more things, like perfect year round weather, wavy hair, more fluffy skirts, an alarm clock without a snooze button. I dreamed of confidence, motivation to finish school, determination to finish hanging the photos of my house. I hoped to one day have a custom blog layout, Photoshop and a nicer camera – or just better photography skills in general. I longed for the words to describe my life accurately, words that would enable readers to step into my shoes and see what I see, hear what I hear, feel what I feel.

It’s not so much feelings of inadequacy or unhappiness, because I’m confident in who I am and happy with how things are. It is simply just wanting to experience more out of life. I want to run, jump, dance, and sing when the mood hits me. I want to photograph and write about every single moment of this life. I don’t want to take the little things for granted.

And I’ll admit. I have a phrase that is mine.

Yes mine.

I Googled it.

And it is,

{If wishes were fishes, I’d need a bigger fish bowl}

It’s true you know. I could fill up an entire ten gallon tank with the aspirations I have for my family and friends alone. But it was in that moment when I was longing the most, the moment when my heart almost hurt with desire for all those dreams to come true, that I realized all I had to do was one of two things:

Invest in particular fish – as fish will grow to the size of the tank when given room.

Or…

Buy a bigger fish bowl.

Me? I think I’ll do both.

‘

IT’S KEVIN’S BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Wanna know something else that’s interesting?

It’s my half birthday today as well. Yep, we’re exactly six months apart. I couldn’t find someone more similar to me if I tried.

Happy Birthday Kevin, I really hope you liked the helicopter ride (pics coming later). You are amazing and I have so much fun when I’m with you!!