I HAVE A QUESTION.

Is it too late to blog about Christmas? I mean, it’s been almost a month, but I have a video to share with you.

Yes it’s of my niece, and the times that it’s not her, it’s of my dog. The one video I did of me turned out so weird that I can’t bear to watch it – it’s like hearing myself on a tape recording, or watching videos of me when I was five. Just awkward.

Scratch that last part about the videos of me when I was five. We actually don’t have ANY videos of me when I was growing up.

I was a neglected child.

*start pity music*

Anyway, Aspen is a non-neglected child and she got just what she asked for for Christmas – a barbie car. Her reasoning? “Bennie ate my Barbie car, I need a new one!” The video below is her reaction when she opened the present.

Ash, I hope you don’t mind me posting it. I did so because your Blogger account was being lame and I’m a nerd that lives in a basement and still plays WoW cool and have my own lame website that my mom doesn’t even read domain.

I SKIPPED MADE ME LAUGH MONDAY BECAUSE I HAD NOTHING FUNNY.

Whoa boy, was I ever wrong on that account. I had something absolutely hilarious happen to me tonight, and that is how I almost set the kitchen on fire. I almost set the KITCHEN on FIRE.

Kevin and I have a favorite food called Chicken Roll ups. It’s chicken mixed with cream cheese and butter, wrapped in croissants and rolled in breadcrumbs. Pure deliciousness. Well, I decided to be Little Miss Helpful – a recipe for trouble all on it’s own – and preheat the pan he was going to use to cook the chicken, so I poured in some vegetable oil and cranked the heat up to high. But I forgot to turn the heat down before I moved on to the next task, MULTITASKING FOR THE WIN, and the next second I turn around to find the entire back side of my kitchen covered in smoke that was rising from the burning fluid. So naturally, I did what any freak of nature would do and I grabbed the pan and turn off the burner.

What was left of the oil instantly turned into flames.

At this point, it was safe to say it was a two foot high, spitting, hissing fire, in a pan that was half a foot away from me. I yelled “Babe!” which is a much better alternative to the unladylike words that easily could have slipped out instead, and I rushed the pan to the sink.

Mistake number one: leaving a pan of vegetable oil on a hot stove. Mistake number two: Putting the pan – which was now on fire, under a constant stream of cold water.

Yea.

Don’t do that.

Wanna know why?

Because you wind up with a flame that goes from a measly two foot flicker to a four foot roaring fireball straight up to the ceiling…while you’re still holding it. And you can say it, I’ve said it plenty of times. I’m surprised those ugly, 1970′s curtains didn’t catch on fire in the process.

I was pretty much lost for what to do at this point. Stop, drop and roll don’t really work unless YOU are on fire.

“Take it outside,” Kevin opened the door and covered his face with his arm as I walked past, awkwardly holding the pan out at arms length. I stood for a good two minutes like that, arm outstretched trying to figure out how to get this pan to stop hissing at me. I finally guessed the cold pavement would be my best bet, so I dumped the remaining fluid in the middle of the driveway and fell to my knees by it.

“Are you okay?” Kevin asked from the bottom of the stairs. I shook my head no and realized I was shaking all over. The odd noise I could hear was coming from me. It was somewhere between a laugh and a half-sob. He wrapped me in a hug and then coaxed me back inside to survey the damage. The entire downstairs was coated with a thick, nasty smoke that burned our eyes and noses. We used blankets to attempt to air it out. It’s one of those smells I’m sure will stick around for weeks. “We’re lucky it didn’t spread…Gram’s has oxygen tanks! Boom! But in the end, nothing can replace a life. I’m just glad we’re all okay.”

I was busy at this point taking photos of the damage and also of this warning label.

“But you got to admit…” he added a few minutes later as we both flapped blankets in the middle of the kitchen, “this’ll make for an awesome Twitter post!”

Postnote: I may have ruined our appetites and scared us a bit, but thankfully in my own defense I didn’t ruin dinner.

I just made him cook it.

Post-Postnote:

I have a confession to make, Internet. On Christmas Eve I came home to realize I’d left my hair straightener on all day, only two inches away from the wall. It left a burn mark on the counter (MOM I’M SORRY AND I GOT THE MARK OFF *thank you Magic Erasers*).

This all goes to prove that I shouldn’t be allowed to use electronics of any type, specifically those that generate heat.

Send help.

WE HAD A SWING SET IN THE BACKYARD GROWING UP. And I think out of all us girls, I appreciated it the most. My special spot was right up on the top – the one spot kids normally shouldn’t climb to. If I were stressed, worried, or upset I’d run outside, climb my way up to the top and perch like a cat for hours. I felt invincible there, like nothing on this Earth could touch me. I pondered things a lot from my roost.

As I sat last April on a Hoodoo in Bryce Canyon, I had that same reflective feeling. I never could have guessed that I’d grow up this way.  But who ever does? Is there ever a point that you think, “that happened just as I planned when I was 10″? I never would have thought I’d be the person I am today, surrounded by the people that I love most, doing a job I enjoy. I’m glad things didn’t turn out as I’d expected.

There is a lot I don’t blog about. Breakups* are one of them. I want my blog to be an escape for the reader as well as myself. But there are times when I don’t have something cute, or funny, or exciting to post about, and all I need to do is just write out how I’m really feeling. The snippet below is from one of those times, on September 18th, about a month before I’d broken up with Dale.

What I wouldn’t give to be able to walk away from problems and issues. To be able to say, “I’m done” and leave, pick up a new life and move on. Some days I want that. I was upstairs with Grams when we had a long talk about the reasons why I’m okay with NOT being married right now (after dating for two years).

“I like my freedom,” I defended quite confidently.

“What freedom? Freedom my dear, is the ability to pack up and go, to hitch hike to Wyoming, to do whatever you feel when you feel it! What you have is not freedom. Sure, you might have a degree of it, but you’re not truly free. You’re bound by obligations – work, school, Dale. You don’t take the time to let yourself be free.”

It was that instant, when her eighty year old eyes locked onto mine with the fire of someone young at heart, with the passion of someone who knows the value of life, and with the urgency to instill a thousand meanings at once, that I realized she was right.

I’m not an accomplished person, you see.

I’ve failed myself.

And although it felt better to write that out, I never did post it. It didn’t belong on my happy little blog. But it’s not the words that didn’t belong, it’s the feeling of unhappiness and disappointment that accompanied it, that created it. I was not a happy person.

So why now? Why would I share something so deep, so personal and from so far back?

I want to remind myself to be this girl.

The girl who can learn from others, and not stress, and not worry about things. I want to live life and take the time to appreciate everything I have been given. I am so very very blessed and I don’t want to take that for granted. I tend to stress too much, whine when I have no need, get frustrated too easily, give up to fast. And you know what? Life is just too short.

So I encourage you to go.

Climb Hoodoos. They are great for reflecting.

Just remember, it’s easier to climb up if you’re looking forward with anticipation and not back with regrets.

*Post Note: No I am not/will not/have not broken up with Kevin. We are doing great, he is included in the “surrounded by people I love” part and he’s one of the many blessings I count in my life every day, along with having amazing immediate family (Ash and Aspen, as well as the other 3/4ths of my family who don’t read this blog), amazing extended family (Grandma B and Rach, you are awesome, thank you for always reading and commenting), great friends (shout out to Kamie) and a good dog who is currently sleeping on my lap. Thank you to every single one of you, family, friends, blog friends. Thank you for making me who I am today, and for encouraging me to be whoever I may want to be tomorrow.