I’M PROBABLY THE PICKIEST EATER YOU’VE EVER KNOWN. I can proudly claim that title. From the time I was two (or so I’ve been told), I’ve eaten no more than five cheeseburgers, I haven’t tried things that I should and I’ve ingested things I probably shouldn’t. I guess I developed quite the stubborn streak at two years old, and decided that not only was I a big girl who didn’t need nap time, I’d also eat only what I want – when I wanted it.

Back then, it was Cheerios. All Cheerios.

So much Cheerios, my mom probably never wants to ever eat them again.

My parent’s tried to break my bad habit. Oh lord, did they ever try. They even tricked me a few times. Mom used to cook fish strips mixed in with chicken strips, just to make sure I got a little omega 3. Dad and Sam went even further, and put peas and carrots on my plate one night. I was told I couldn’t leave the table until I’ve eaten them. This concept was nothing new, but I thought it was weird that they kept watching me. “Eat it.” “No.” “It’s good.” “NO.” “Just one bite”. “NOOOOO!!!” Tears were shed. They were laughing. Why would they try to make me eat something so. . .so. . .disgustingly horrifying?! “It’s candy,” they tell me. Bull, its peas and carrots and I can SEE IT RIGHT THERE.

Turns out, it was honestly candy. I sat for over an hour, bawling because I didn’t want to eat candy. Spare me.

When bribes, gifts, and you’ll sit here until you take at least two bites never worked, they turned to FORCE FEEDING ME strawberry jam. One sister held each leg, mom held my shoulders, and dad propped open my mouth and dolloped in a teaspoon full. I haven’t forgiven any of them to this day. (And for the record, I just barely tried it again recently, just on my own accord this time).

I’m a little bit better about eating now. I actually eat real foods, like bananas, meatloaf, steak and ribs, casseroles and the like. I don’t fear trying foods anymore, but some things never change. Mom still tries to get me to try different things, and the first thing out of her mouth is always this:

“All that’s in it is____”

“and this ___ and this ____ and this ___.”

I’d fill in the blanks, but honestly it’s like my brain shuts off after hearing the first sentence. It could be the BEST CAKE IN THE WORLD and I still wouldn’t try it if that’s the first thing I hear. Words like that are always followed up with:

” . . .that’s all that’s in it.”

That’s great. Call it stubborn, but I’m just not interested. It’s sentences like those that drive me to eat junk food again, just to spite those words. And while I’m at it, let me list for you all the ingredients in my 44 ounce soda. Caffeine, carbonation, yumminess. End of discussion.