An Apology of Sorts

KEVIN,

You just left my house after we had a good, long, hard talk, the beginning of which consisted of you listening to me rant and rave and point fingers like a child, while you patiently sat there and let me tirade on until I dissolved into a (grody) pile of tears.

Then you did just like you always do – you grabbed me, and held me and told me it was all going to be okay. And I believed you, just like I always do.

Sadly, this isn’t the first time this week this has happened. (I’m trying my hardest to make it be the last).

On Sunday, it was my eye infection. I bawled and bawled from the fear that it wouldn’t get better in time for the wedding. You told me it would get better. I argued that the world was ending. You insisted that no matter what, I’d still be the prettiest girl you’d ever seen. Then you put on Avatar (for the fourth time – thanks Lindsay!) and rubbed my feet until I fell asleep on the couch.

Monday was an awful combination on my part of obnoxious whining and stressing, topped off with an all-day migraine. And even though you had a lot on your plate that day, you still took the time to ask how I was feeling, hold my hand, and help me clean the house.

But tonight.

OH TONIGHT.

When I ripped into you about absolutely nothing, and then felt bad about it, so I was mad at me, which made me bitter and more angry at you and the wedding, which made me stress about the rest of the things that we still have to do when we only have FOUR! MORE! DAYS! and I was mad at you for the printing shop that messed up our photos, and I was mad at you for a comment you made that I took out of context, and I was mad at you for reminding me of all the STUFF we still had to get done, and I was mad at you for offering to take care of all of it, and I was mad at you for putting up with me and. . . wow. You’re still dating me? You still want to marry me?

You are crazy.

I don’t deserve someone as good as you.

Thank you.

And I’m sorry.

So so so so so very sorry.

You deserve better.

I WILL be better for you. For us.

Love you forever and always,

- Aub