Kevin and Aubrey: Part 3

TO SAY I DIDN’T LIKE KEVIN WOULD BE AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

After that first conversation I dodged him in every way I could – sitting farther away on testing date, arriving late to class, avoiding eye contact if we passed in the hall and turning my head when he went to sit down. I didn’t want a friend. To me, he was just a “pretty face” that I didn’t want anything to do with.

I even used those exact words when telling the girls at work about him.

Yea, I was mean.

I said he was probably too young, or that he probably wouldn’t like me even if he weren’t.

In reality, I just couldn’t see how anyone even could like me anymore.

On top of that I was mad. How can this boy, who doesn’t even know anything more than my first name, make me question my relationship? I had been thinking about him all weekend and it was driving me crazy. I knew Dale and I were on the rocks. There were trust issues on both sides, a mutual lack of commitment and a fear of moving forward together. We were at an impasse, and I felt helpless. Why couldn’t I make things work?

So when Kevin came along, I was ticked. Livid. Put off.

He first talked to me on the 30th of September. In class the following Monday he tried to say hi and I darted out of the room to avoid talking to him. I felt bad. I knew he was just trying to be friendly. I didn’t even know if he liked me as more than a homework helper yet. But it bugged. It bugged that I finally felt noticed by someone, and the guy I was being noticed by wasn’t the guy it should be.

Wednesday, October 7th rolled around. I sauntered in to math looking and feeling haggard. I just didn’t care anymore. My life was a pattern – work, go to school, go home get the dog, go to Dale’s, go home. Every day, it never strayed. I was worn out, and my outfit showed it. I didn’t shower that day. My hair was in a bun with a headband holding the stray hairs out of my face. I had glasses on – which usually wasn’t characteristic of me if I could avoid them. I was wearing old khaki pants and dirty brown shoes. I felt hideous, but what did it matter?

Around 7:40 I felt a small nudge in my back.

I paused, my hand frozen on my backpack.

I heard a, “hey” from behind me.

Another nudge.

Someone was trying to get my attention from behind me, and that someone was just the person I didn’t want to talk to right then.

It was Kevin.

“What do you do for that marketing company?” he asked, indicating a logo on my coat.

“Huh?” How did he know where I worked?

He repeated the question and I was too tired to argue. I didn’t want to get into the schematics of what I did, so I gave him the easiest answer I could and tried to end the conversation. “I’m a manager,” I mumbled, slipping my shoulder straps on and standing to leave the room. His eyes were still on me. I was feeling downright disgusting.

“A manager of what?” he prodded.

Ugh.

He was that type.

I had to find a way to shake him off.

“SEO. Link building.” I threw a technical term out there and waited impatiently for the, “what is that?” or “you do what?” questions to start rolling in. I wasn’t in the mood to try to explain SEO.

“Oh really? I work for (here is where we insert the name of the similar company that I will not name because THE Y HAVE SCARRED ME FOR LIFE but we will get to that in another post). I do SEO too.” He was still looking at me, waiting for a response.

“You’re kidding. I’ve never met anyone that does SEO before,” I half smiled and started leaving. He followed and we talked about different strategies until we got to the doors. He even mentioned that he used to own a mustang and he may or may not have told me how much he made (yes I still tease him about this. And yes he dies of embarrassment every time).

I left the college and headed to Dale’s. He could tell something was on my mind, so I told him. “I met this guy in my class that does SEO too.”

Dale shot me a look. “Were you wearing your ring?”

Ahh the precious ring.

I bought a fake ring once, and I’d link to the post if I hadn’t have gotten delete-happy a few months back. Just sum it up to say I was sick of getting hit on at college, so pretending I was engaged/married was my solution.

And yes, a part of it was I did want to be really engaged/married, but we all know that never happened.

I shot Dale a nasty look from my spot on the couch. “No, I wasn’t wearing that ring.”

“Why not?” He seemed truly concerned about this.

“Maybe because it’s not a real ring and I’m not really married? Why should I have to wear a fake ring?” My voice was brave but my heart hurt deep in my chest. In my head I heard my mom’s words from a phone call we’d had a few weeks back. It doesn’t matter if you waited for three years or nine years. He’s never going to marry you honey. I knew. I knew what she was saying was the truth, and I think a part of me knew that all along. I know mom, I’d said sadly back into the phone, but I’m not waiting around for nine years. I’m not even going to make it to three.

Our breakup had more to do with how I’d felt for a long time and less to do with Kevin. Heck I didn’t even know if he’d want to date me or not.

I just knew that because of him, I wanted to try. I wanted to do something different, take risks, meet new people. I enjoyed having conversation with someone that actually valued what I did for work. I wanted more of that. I wanted to be friends with my peers, not hanging around someone twelve years older than me, watching old country reruns every night and feeling stuck to someone that I couldn’t even be bound to. I wanted time and freedom to figure out what I, Aubrey, wanted.

I added Kevin as a friend on Facebook the very next day.

To be continued. . .