Made Me Laugh Monday: Scaredy Cat
“KEVIN! ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN AND TALK TO THE DRIVE-THRU LADY ALREADY!” I hissed from the passenger side.
“Relax, you get scared of talking to people too often,” he laughed back, unrolling his window as the person on the other end inquired about his order.
I had to think about that for a minute, but you know what?
He’s right.
That’s why he’s the one who’s handled the conversations for every venue manager, photographer, and any other person that is wedding related. If it doesn’t have an online order form I cross it off my wants list. Who needs flowers and cakes anyway?
Heck, I’d have made him talk to the ladies at the dress store if it hadn’t have been for the need to actually try the dress on.
So he’s totally right – I am afraid of talking to people. Which is a little surprising, considering I worked on a call floor for five months. But if I think about it, it’s not just people I fear. It’s everything.
In the shower it’s earthquakes.
In the car, it’s accidents, flying objects and flat tires. Not to mention the fear I have of winding up abandoned on dark roads at night.
At night it’s murderers. I’m positive it was thieves making that scratching noise against my window, sending me flying into bed fully clothed, texting Kevin from under the covers.
And don’t forget the ankle-grabbing monster that lives under the bed and suffers from a mean case of foot fetish.
At work it’s job loss, messing up, not accomplishing what I want.
At home it’s wedding, wedding wedding wedding!!! stuff that all needs to be done on time, which isn’t helped by my spending habits and the reoccurring nightmare where I show up late to my own wedding in flip flops and bed hair.
Fear.
I fear fear even, but I don’t know how to help it.
So when something like this happens in my own bedroom:
All I can do is cover my head and text Ashley, “the sky is falling, Chicken Little!”
Nah, I just try to act confident by talking to everybody. Nothing your not capable of.
Nothing wrong with a good irrational fear here and there. Personally I avoid the phone at all costs because I’ve got a little thing about that.
My number-one, most psychotic and irrational fear is fish. I don’t even like the word.
And I can’t believe you forgot to mention sneezing on the freeway. Are you afraid of that, too? I usually sneeze singly but every now and then I sneeze in multiples. You can’t sneeze with your eyes open. I always think, what if I’m on the freeway going 75 and I go into a multiple sneeze and crash into the concrete median?
So now you’ve got another one for your list, I guess. You’re welcome
)
Fish are gross. That reminds me of my other fear – fear of dark, deep water. I can’t stand to swim in water that I can’t see my feet in, and I hate when fish brush up against me. Ick. Plus there are fish like piranha. WHY do those even exist?
Sneezing on the freeway is definitely a concern. With sneezes I fear that my eyes would pop out of my socket (someone told me that in fifth grade) or that my heart is stopping too much. I knew a girl who had a pacemaker who said that your heart stops every time you sneeze. Then there’s the fear that I’m having a mini-stroke every time I get Déjà vu (thanks Kevin, for that).
Ha! I actually laughed out loud when I read the bottom of your post…it cracked me up. Thanks for the MMLM.
P.S. Youre as bad as Niel about drive thru’s—he wont drive if he knows we’re going to the drive thru–but thats cuz he cant hear what theyre asking, and they cant understand what he’s saying–he’s kind of nasaly? when he speaks—And I know what you mean. I hate talking to people too. Mom has a gift, thats for sure.
I guess your dad never told you about the hexagon tank full of piranha he had in his bedroom when he was a teenager. He worked
at a fish store in Orem and had many different species of fish.
He had a 70 gallon tank in the living room. He would feed the piranha raw hamburger or live goldfish. They would chomp the
fish right in half. Interesting sight!! It is illegal to possess
them now.