MY DRESS FITS.

I put it on once more just to be sure.

And when I say fits, I mean that it zips up – I just can’t take any deep breaths. Deep breaths are for sissies anyway.

For being so nice to me in the comments of the last post, I thought I’d share something with you.

Just kidding! That’s not my dress.

I’m sorry to fool you.

Instead, here is a photo from my hair and makeup trial.

Turns out, it’s REALLY hard to take a photo of the back of your own head, just FYI.

Here’s the makeup.

Yes, my legs really were that white. Please don’t let them blind you. I have since tanned so you’ll be able to see a difference between my skin and my dress.

Anywho.

I went to bed Thursday night with a sore jaw, and woke up Friday morning with a jaw that still hurt and a face that was roughly the size of a watermelon. To top that off, I had a sudden outbreak of bacne.

You know what bacne is? It’s acne. On your back.

The only thing I needed to look like a 10th grader again was braces and bowl cut bangs.

Thankfully the doctor called something in for the swelling, so we will hope that by tomorrow I don’t look like I gained ten pounds in my face. I will keep you posted.

DEAR INTERNET, I HAVE COME TO INFORM YOU that after this post, you’re way of viewing me and my life will drastically change.

Forever.

And no, Vanity Vain is not a post even related to Danity Kane (even though my name is Aubrey. The girl in the band isn’t worthy of the name).

It’s not that I like making a fool of myself, or that I want to post scary pictures just for the fun of it. Besides, Halloween was two months ago. The reason I’m posting these godawful pictures is so everyone can know the painstaking processes that us girls go to just to get the look we want. And no, it’s not pretty. This is going to be a step-by-step picture documentary of how I do my hair.

DUE TO THE UNATTRACTIVE NATURE OF THESE PICTURES, VIEWER WARNING IS ADVISED.

First picture starts off after my shower. I put a gob of gel in my hair and put it up like this:

Then I get dressed, watch some TV, eat some cereal and come back to the bathroom. I take my hair out, and flip my head completely upside down. After a few Beavis and Butthead-like head bangs, I’m ready for the blow dryer. When I’m done, here is what that little beauty does (before I’ve even tweaked it):

Someone, get that girl a hair brush and a straight jacket, STAT!

Thankfully, I’m not quite done. Now I have to spray my bangs back:

Is it just me, or do I completely look like Cruella De Vil right there? I even have the white highlight. Go Disney!

Next step is to pin hair up in the middle, add makeup, and take about fifty more pictures just to make sure it looks good:

Overall look

Closeup of the makeup

Finally, we’re at the last step. Add jewels, more hairspray, glasses, and another spray of Suave just to be sure:

I’m done, but wondering why I’m not looking directly at the camera in the last picture.

There you have it my folks. The completely unglamorous. I, AubreyMo, have posted the impossible. I’ve posted pictures of myself that were completely and utterly shocking. Now, to be fair, some shots I just can’t take by myself. Like one where my head is upside down with a ten pound blow dryer attached to it by little poky things. Or the one where I think I have to have my mouth open to apply mascara. But let this be a lesson to everyone. If your girl isn’t looking at her best, just wait!