I ANNOUNCED A FEW FRIDAY’S AGO THAT I’D BE GONE ALL WEEKEND. Unplugged. No Internet, cell phone service or cable TV for me, as I was going camping with Ashley and her crew. Being the independent person I am, I just had to drive my own car. Ya know, to listen to my own music and such.

My reasoning makes no sense.

I guess you could say my car is my security blanket that I take everywhere. It’s now so full of stuff that it doesn’t make sense not to take it somewhere. I practically live in the thing – what with all the clothes, high heels, gum wrappers and water bottles that can be found within it’s doors.

So I packed up after work, threw everything in plastic bags (yes Ash, since you asked I do own a proper bag. I just chose not to use it) and followed them up through the beautiful canyons. The air was crisp, I could literally taste fall in the air and I was loving the scenic overview created by the rise and fall of the mountains. I was a tad worried, it was my first time driving those particular canyons, but I drive in rush hour traffic every day. It can’t be worse than that.

We stopped to eat at our favorite spot (thanks again for dinner Ash and Niel). The plate of food that arrived in front of me was about three times more than I could eat, and I gladly dived in. By the time we were ready to head up our last canyon, it was dark. My only concern was deer, which thankfully we didn’t see any that night.

I was a tad bit concerned about the road. Yes, I’ll admit it. The road that leads directly up to their cabin gives me the willies, but I was determined that my car go with me. Besides, it hadn’t rained so the road was dry, I’d be fine.

We finally hit the point where we traded paved road for gravel and dirt, and my hands started to sweat. I have a fear of hills like you would not believe. I have nightmares of being stuck on hills that I can’t climb down. You laugh now, but just wait till you ride in my car with me when I’m bawling because I don’t want to drive up that hill, no way, you can’t make me. My fear is so big, that a few winters back when Ashley took me to Yellowstone to go snowmobiling, we went down a large hill with me driving, and all I could think about the remainder of the trip was “Dear god, I’m going to have to go back up that hill again.” I bawled, begged and pleaded with Ashley for her to drive, I’ll just walk up the hill, and if that’s not possible, if it’s too steep I’ll just stay down here but PLEASE do not make me go back up.

We went back up, and apparently I lived. But I guess my fear stems from an experience even before that; the time I was on a hill on a four wheeler with my other sisters ex-husband and we rolled. That could definitely be the moment I declared such a vile hatred for anything above a 0% grade.

So there I am, following Ash and Niel up this mountain and I’m thinking “I can do this, I can do this, I WILL do this, I have to do this, I don’t want to do this, I’m doing this, ” ad nauseum the entire way. Ash told me to “gun it” if I felt that I was loosing traction, and the first bend around a corner didn’t disappoint. I jumped the clutch, gunned it and swerved like I was a pro driver in the Dukes of Hazard movie. I was successful.

We hit the next bend and my heart had started to calm down. From memory, I thought I was past the worst part, the worst corner. Turns out I was wrong, because the very next corner was pure powder, a solid three inches of soft dirt and my car couldn’t get a hold. There I am, my hands sweating on the steering wheel, my heart in my chest, literally leaning forward as if that would help, and praying out loud “Oh dear God Jesus almighty don’t let me fall off the face of this mountain. I’m sorry for my sins. Oh jeez, don’t let me die,” and at this point Ollie decides that he’s scared and he jumps on my lap, and my car is slipping back, back back back towards the dark unknown and I’m praying like I’m at the gates of hell begging for redemption.

My hands are sweaty just thinking about this.

Finally, my wheels grabbed and locked, and Bessy the Car began the agonizing assent into the pines. She climbed slowly, like an old woman struggling to get up a set of stairs, and the only thing I could think to do was keep my gas petal pressed to the floor and my upper body leaning forward.

Why do we do that? Why do we lean on roller coaster rides, and going up hills, and going down hills? It doesn’t help the vehicle in any way. I don’t understand it.

Ashley and Niel disappeared around a bend up ahead and all I could see was  dust drifting down in my headlights. I had to admit, it was kind of pretty. We made it to the top and I spat words like a sailor, but you know what? It was worth it. It was worth going camping to eat with those I love, to camp with friends and sing Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” song over and over with Megan. (Did I just admit that? Yea. I did.) It was worth actually being able to see stars, and remember that the world is bigger than what it seems.

It was worth it to wake up and hear Aspen say, “Hi Aubrey!” and see her literally glowing in her glow-in-the-dark skeleton pajamas.

It was worth it to push her in the swing and watch her little face scruntch up with glee.

It was worth it to have a spur of the moment rides on the fourwheeler with Ash.

And it was worth it to see Sir Ollie become King of the Mountain.

So would I go again? Definitely. Just next time Ash? I’ll let you do the driving.