ASHLEY AND I ATTENDED A CLASS TOGETHER LAST THURSDAY. We got lost and wandered the high school campus where it was hosted for about twenty minutes, nineteen of which Ashley spent threatening to go into early labor if we didn’t find the room and stop wandering around. But being the shy gals we are we are we didn’t want to ask anyone where it was at. Can you blame us?  The only guy we saw was riding a massive floor buffer right behind us like a creeper.

Eventually we walked past a classroom where two ladies were talking and Ashley pushed me in their direction. “You go ask them, I can’t be social like our mother”. Did you know our mother is social? Well she is. And we envy her for it.

“Hey excuse me, where is the community educa—” from the corner of my eye I see Ashley diving out of the door frame in a fit of laughter. “—-tion building?”I chuckled my way through the rest of my sentence. The ladies pointed us in the direction of the front of the building, and what do you know, it’s the room we walked right past three times already.

Our class?

It was a coupon clipping class. Go ahead and laugh. I’ll wait.

Niel and Kevin sure found it funny. “It’ll probably be hosted by some old lady”, “what’re you going to learn, how to use scissors and cut paper?”, and “someone will forget the scissors and the whole thing will be called off. ” were only half of the phrases we heard from the pair of them. But we had no shame. We are girls. We craft. It’s what we do.

Frankly I didn’t know what to think of the class when we walked in. I don’t use coupons. Hell, like I need any excuse to spend even more money, but Ashley invited me so I went, skeptical and all. It turned out to be a pretty interesting class (beside Ashley mouth-breathing on me the entire time through her cold). The coupon lady told us that last year alone, she’d saved over $1,000 at one store. I didn’t believe her, but that’s probably because my other sisiter someone I know shops at discount stores and brags about how much she “saves”, while ignoring how much she spends.

I’d say don’t repeat that to her but we’re not talking anyway.

Where were we, coups? Oh yes. Coups. The lady teaching us said she lives on a budget of $300 a month which includes food and cleaning supplies. She never buys a box of cereal for more than $.50, and she only buys brand name. She taught us how to get Goldfish crackers for $.18, and razors, deodorant, and other samples for free. Now I can proudly claim to know the best time to buy condiments (hint: it’s right about now, look for the good coups because they only come around this time of year). I know that dish washing fluid goes on a really good sale about two times a year, that the beer isle has the best coupons (and you don’t have to buy beer with it) and I learned the biggest trick of the trade: Get a coupon, wait until the item goes on sale and THEN buy that item. Double wammy if you have a few coupons that you can combine, or “stack” to use on that item. Yes it’s possible for the store to wind up owing you – they credit however much they owe you towards your entire purchase.

But.

But.

This was not the highlight of my night. No, not even close. The highlight of my night was about half way through when Ashley burst out chuckling next to me. “What?” I hissed. “I can’t. I can’t,” she chocked through silent sobs of laughter. A minute later I get a text from her that states,

“The lady next to you has a MOLE on her head”.

I thought she meant a beauty spot on her upper lip or a witches wart by her nose. But oh, contrair! I found out I was wrong when Ashley elbowed me in the ribs and told me to look to my left, and staring me right in the face was this ladies raised, hair-sprouting, ugly, bumpy mole smack in the middle of where her hair parted in the back of her head.

Our attempt at silent laughter was ruined when Ashley stopped me from taking a photo of it on my phone. Coupon lady? I’m sorry for disrupting your class. Maybe I should have paid more attention to find that lady a coupon for some Compound W Wart Remover.

*I know this post sounds mean. I do. I just thought it was funny to have one of those high-school-I-can’t-stop-laughing moments. Mole lady, if you read this, I still think Rosco the Mole Rat wins the ugly award.*