THE LOOK ON GRAMS’ FACE WHEN I WALKED IN was hilarious all on its own. Her hand, which was in the process of putting an ice cube to her mouth, hung forgotten and her mouth gaped as she stared at my jeans. Being born in 1929 and growing up through the tail-end of the depression, I’m sure she’s seen ratty jeans before, but she wasn’t quite sure why someone would wear them by choice.

“My heavens child, you need new pants! Surely you can afford some. Those things have got to go,” she admonished me before we’d even said hello.

And I’ll confess, I may have lied a little. I told a half-truth.

“They’re just comfortable Grandma, that’s why I keep them”.

These pants?

Yea. They’re brand new.

I’VE FINALLY COME OUT OF THE CLOSET about my obsession with all things Twilight. You now all know that I’ve read all four of the books at least twice, I can quote the movie off the top of my head and I’ve even dyed my hair the same color as Bella Swan.

Now, I’ve taken it a few steps further. I am Bella from head to toe. First, the hair color with the headbands.

The shirts with artistic flair (note to all my Twilighters – yes, I know this is more like book Bella than movie Bella…as the only thing movie Bella ever wears is flannel).

I have the right pants, with tears in the knees from tripping and falling down so much.

Ok really, these are my first pair of American Eagle jeans, and I bought them this torn and rugged. I fall down enough though that it was probably unnecessary for them to look this tattered right off the shelf. Two weeks of being with me would do that to them.

Side note to Kamie – thanks for suggesting them. You weren’t joking, they really are the most comfortable jeans I’ve ever had.

I even have the shoes! No, not the mountain man unlaced boots, but the Converse shoes. Except they are really Airwalk brand from Payless, because I’m cheap like that.

You simply can’t forget the ring that Bella wears throughout the whole movie, and in the second movie, New Moon, as well. Mine is not moonstone but I figured opal is pretty close as I seem to have an opal obsession. I’m true to my Bella roots though, and I wear it on the right index finger.

Last, but certainly not least (although he is little) I have myself a miniature Edward Cullen! We call him Lil’ Edward.

He showed up in my Easter Basket and he’s even more special than he takes credit for, as he has a special power no other Lil’ Edward possesses – Ming Reading.

You read that right.

M.I.N.G. reading.

I have as of yet to figure out what that truly means.

YES.

I did have a creepy, Thirteen-or-soish kid come up to me at the mall today and ask, “Do you know how to find the truth?”

No.

I do not know who in the heck this kid was.

Yes.

I had a reply. “Um. . .It’s in my pocket”.

No.

I am not sure what I meant by that. I was too busy being perturbed.

Yes.

I immediatedly turned foot and left, the little creepo and his friends were weirding me out.

No.

He did not like my answer. “That’s sooooooo gay!“. I should’ve said what my father would have “Ask a stupid question. . .”

Yes.

Did I parade wave at them as I walked off? You betcha.

Maybe.

Maybe what I meant by “the truth is in my pocket” was all figurative. There was absolutely nothing in my pocket, other than two bobby pins. Bobby pins are not notorious for being truth-holders. They already have their hands full (ok so they don’t have hands. We’ll stop with the technicalities). So truth had to be something I bring to the table as an individual. Truth is whatever I want it to be.

Yes.

I used this excuse to the fullest, when I found The.Best.Pants.Ever. I just convinced myself that there is a purpose to buying new pants, so I could have the best pockets to hold my truths.

No.

I did not mean to find them. They found me. I usually don’t clothes shop but they were there on my way out, brown and rugged and inviting. They are cargo pants. I have an obsession with cargo pants.

Yes.

I’m wearing them right as I type this. I’ll probably be wearing them after work tomorrow, and I can guarantee that I’ll be wearing them to work on Friday.

No.

I see nothing wrong with that last statement.

Yes.

I love that the size on The Best Pants Ever says medium, when a pair of jeans from the same store were a size NINE I’ve never worn and I had problems getting into them. Where in the world the attack of the ghetto booty came from, I have no idea.

No.

I’m not taking a picture of me in them, as I can’t figure out a good way to take a picture without the pants looking huge and my legs looking too long, and I’m not going to take one of my junk-in-the-trunk in the mirror. No one should have to see that.

Yes.

I have finally blogged about the size of my pants, just like I said I might.

No.

This post has no point other than to tell you about The Truth (against tabacco?) Kid and my finding of the sweet awesome pants.

Yes.

I would like you to leave a comment, stating what you think “Finding the truth” means. I never did ask.

Humor me.