ASHLEY PUT IT PERFECTLY when I told her how my day was going. I’d almost forgotten to feed the  dog this morning, completely forgotten to bring my snack to work, and to top it off I’d managed to spaz a whole 32 ounce Mountain Dew on the ground before I’d even walked in the doors at work. All before 8:00 in the morning.

It was going to be one of those days.

“So you’re having a “so-duh” day,” Ashley types to me in instant messenger. Took me a few times reading it to get it but her play-on-words was only too true. To be honest, I’m having a “so-duh” week that feels like it’s lasted at least twice as long as any normal week should. I’ve felt stuck at my efforts to accomplish anything – making it places on time, being in bed at time, talking to people normally, listening, working. Not only am I malfunctioning, but my equipment is too. Camera dies. Car runs out of windshield wiper fluid (ok, ok, that one I will take the blame for. It’s not my fault that I love to turn my wipers on just to piss people off on the freeway). Every effort to complete my taxes turns out in chaos and arguments over absolutely nothing because I DON’T WANT TO DO IT. I DON’T KNOW HOW. THE IRS HATES ME AND MY LITTLE DOG TOO.

Strangely, I’ve felt stressed but motivated through the whole horrid five days. I compare it to being emotionally bipolar, but instead its functionally bipolar. I have a clean house, organized papers, taxes done, college papers out and waiting and I still feel like I haven’t gotten a damn thing done.

The irony of the whole thing? Someone in the office unwittingly passing me a sheet on stress management right when I was at a breaking point. I wonder if it was life’s way of telling me, life sucks, so suck in that pouty lip and deal with it.

I TOOK THE DAY OFF OF WORK TODAY. Whether it was the dizziness as I stepped out of the shower, the growling, lurching sound of my empty stomach as it considered spilling green acidic fluid everywhere, or the ear aches that convinced me to stay, I’m still not sure.

I am sure, however, that I am not someone that enjoys staying home. Here is my reasons why I’d rather go to work (please forgive my crazy reasoning. I have a fever of a hundred and fifty degrees right now it seems, and my brain doesn’t function properly while fully cooked).

(Apparently Eddie thinks he needs the day off)

1. It pays. Ok this one is obvious, but I’d rather feel productive, and I’m certainly not earning any money sitting on my rear.
2. Social Interaction. After eight hours listening only to the voices in my head and the drama on TV, I am convinced that Suri Cruise must have a real tough life at age four, the Kardashians cannot act no matter what amount of training classes, and E news makes even the most boring celeb life (I’m looking at you, Billy Ray) look like the most fascinating thing us humans have seen since the invention of sliced cheese.
3. No guilt. I hate taking work off. Feel bad each time, like I’m the worlds worst worker and all fingers are pointing at me. Me me me. That’s all I think about when I’m sick. At work, you focus on other tasks, other to-dos and other people. Selflessness is one of my major goals in life.  I will never reach it with counteractive selfishness.
4. Tasks. Things to do, that I can accomplish. When you’re sick, you’re stuck like a turtle on its back, helpless to do anything. I’ve been trapped in my own head and body all day (again, with the focused on me). Nothing that I can do that doesn’t require a massive amount of energy.
5. Food. When you’re on a lunch break, the world is your buffet. I have about twenty different fast food places around my work. Right now, food is a foreign word that only induces the green monster in my stomach to gurgle, reminding me why I haven’t eaten.
6. Normalicy. I’ll never take for granted the fact that work will be the same tomorrow as it was today. Stability is a nice reprieve after the roller coaster of sensations one gets from being ill. I feel like I’m playing a part in the Katy Perry song “Hot and Cold”.
7. End of the day. When you end a day at work, you walk out ready to have a great evening. Hopefully you feel good with the work you have done. When you’re done with a day of being sick what is there? Nothing. Not a dang thing. The only thing you’ve done is wasted a whole day because you were sick. . .and there is no guarantee that you won’t be sick tomorrow.
8. Being sick is boring. This one is self explanatory. If it isn’t, go find the nearest coughing mucus bag and ask them to shake your hand.

To begin with, this was supposed to be a list of ten. I guess one more we can unofficially add is the lack of focus. Now, please forgive me for stepping away from the computer and curling up in a little ball. Don’t judge me – what comes around, goes around *coughs*.

Happy Karma to you too!

And I’m sure that because of that last remark, I’ll be sick all week.